dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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