i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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