Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize