i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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