Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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