I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
