i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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