omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
