she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
