I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
