I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
