ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
