someone get that fucking seahorse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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