he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
