I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
