so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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