Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
