STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize