Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
