You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
