I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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