Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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