Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
