Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
