i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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