Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
