We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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