You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
