how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
