I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
