i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
