I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
