We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
