Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
