I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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