first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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