don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
