If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
