from now on my penis is your penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize