Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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