I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
