I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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