I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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