Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it because I queefed?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
