So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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