What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
