he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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