For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
