I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
