id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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