Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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