I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
