bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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