Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
