that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
