I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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