I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
