A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
