Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
