me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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