I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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