Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
