I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
