Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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